I originally wrote this a few days back...just getting to posting it:
It's March 27th, 2008. Do you know where your children are? Chances are meticulously planning a prank for next Tuesday. 'Why?' you might ask, if you are retarded, well because next Tuesday is April Fools Day. Yes that's correct there is actually a holiday for people to be assholes to one another. THE MOTHER OF ALL NON-HOLIDAYS! Halloween comes in a close second but at least then I can always poison kids who came to my house dressed as *fill in main character of #1 box office smash action hit of last summer here* and nobody would know. If I do it as an April Fools joke I'd have to take credit for my work by screaming "APRIL FOOLS" before the kid dropped on the floor unconscious because really it just isn't correct on April Fools to not take credit for your work. Also if neighborhood children start dropping without any explanation then well some people might start thinking that they have some sort of psychopath on their hands and nobody wants that. At least on Halloween the risk of death is already willingly taken by whoever is stupid enough to go door to door asking for candy. Here the victims are not idiots who want this. They are innocent victims of cruel sadistic tricks.
Well fine, April Fools is ok, I guess. This lets the maniacs have a day to let out all of their craziness and not go shoot up their local FedEx on some hot day in August. Also, the rest of us have nothing to worry about the other 365 days of the year because, well, hey they got their day and now easy street, no worries for another year, right? Wrong! Everybody still plays practical jokes on people other days of the year, whenever the hell they please. So what the hell is the point of this day. Its a Fool's World where everyday is April Fool's day, so what the hell is the point of a specific day? If anything April 1st is the one day of the year everyone will expect a practical joke and therefore that is the dumbest day to do one. It's not like we have a holiday called "Go to Work Day" where everybody does what they are supposed to. Then again I guess more people play practical jokes on one another then actually do what they are supposed to, so "Go to Work Day" would actually make more sense.
The one day nobody expects a practical joke is March 31st because well after all, everyone is going to do one on April 1st so nobody would ever do one the day before, its the calm before the storm, and though I hate the "holiday" if something has to be done do it the day before so at least that way you will be slightly different and much smarter. However, you have to plan ahead. Thankfully I applied for my gun permit March 14th so my two week waiting period will be over before March 31st. See you all Monday!